Food is one of the main focuses of life. Meals have become fully integrated into social time among friends and family. Eating is the shining star in most holidays, birthdays, weddings...any celebration has food as the central component. Indulging in dining out has become the norm in many households.
On the flip side, food also dominates the fitness and diet world. Some people suffer from eating disorders due to becoming so obsessed with losing weight. Restricting calories becomes an extreme.
When I was in high school (let's all pause and cringe together), I developed anorexia. I was dealing with bullies, family issues, mental illness that I was trying to understand...at some point I'll share my whole story, but it will require a designated post or video.
Anorexia was not just to lose weight in order to end the bullying and hurtful comments from boys. It was also one of many methods used to punish myself. Like I've mentioned before, this era was the darkest time of my life thus far.
I let other's words and actions damage me to the point where I started to agree with them: "I'm not worth it. I'm a mistake. I'm fat. Boys keep hurting me because I don't deserve love. I hate myself. I should not be alive." Meals shrank, my cutting problem grew, and I inflicted huge amounts of damage on my body for years.
I graduated and moved into a dorm for college. It was my first taste of freedom from home, and I was finally away from the toxic town that my high school resides in. I went a bit crazy; there were no guidelines, no rules, no restrictions, no bullies. I started living in a way that I thought was good for me. I ate what I wanted, drank large quantities of alcohol, partied every night, and ignored my schedule. I was bitter at the world and lived by the motto of "I'll show those assholes who's in charge. I'll do whatever I want now."
The problem with that mentality was my personal relationship with me: I still had years of deep hatred for myself. Instead of restricting food too much, I was suddenly over-eating every day. I was still addicted to cutting. I had just been dumped very harshly by a boy (yet again), and sought approval from other men at parties. The external bullying had ceased, but the internal bullying was so much worse.
To me, physical health and mental health go together. I cannot succeed at one without the other. It's taken me years to get to this level of balance, and I'm still not 100% successful. Every day is a new start; it's a slow and challenging process to reverse all of the hate in my heart. It's a slow process to heal all of the damage I've done to my body and metabolism over the years. But it is possible to develop a healthier relationship with yourself; and for me, that started with food.
Most people I talk to about health and fitness have told me that food is the biggest struggle for them. I felt a calling in my heart to share this brief summary of my story, and to offer my biggest tips for transitioning into a healthy relationship with food. Food is meant to be fuel for your body and all of the internal functions that keep you going. So how do we get back to a place in our lives where we can view food as a friend and not the enemy?
1. Stop using food as a reward. I had a horrible habit of eating clean, smashing out intense workouts, and telling myself afterwards: "I'm going to eat these cookies because I deserve it. I earned it! Good job, Cassie!" It took me so long to realize how harmful this is when it comes to how I view food.
I saw a quote that stopped me in my tracks: "Don't reward yourself with food. You're not a dog." It made me laugh, but also got me thinking about my own habits. Having to "earn" a treat or cheat meal will train your brain to inflict guilt if you feel as if you haven't trained hard enough to eat a cookie. If you have an off day, you punish yourself by taking away that "reward"; this is the same exact training method people use on pets! How fucked up is that?
Instead, try treating yourself to a new outfit or a massage. Do not view any type of meal as a prize to be one, even if it's considered unhealthy.
2. Honor your cravings. My sweet tooth hits me without warning from time to time. For the first half of my health journey, my tactic was to ignore the craving. I would push it away and cook up a filling meal with tons of protein. That worked in the moment...until the craving would come back later in the day. Stronger. The cycle would repeat itself until I caved and indulged on the craving. But at this point the craving was so intense that I would binge on the sugary treat. My best piece of advice here is to simply eat the damn thing you want in the first place, or modify it for a healthier version. Pinterest has become my best friend when it comes to finding dairy free or sugar free options.
At the end of the day, one donut won't ruin your progress. If you satisfy the sweet tooth right away, it will be easier to manage portion control.
3. You need food every damn day. I don't care if you ate a whole pizza by yourself yesterday. Do not punish yourself today with starvation to "get back on track." I followed that pattern through both anorexia and binging. I truly believe this horrible habit is one of the main factors that destroyed my metabolism. It ties back in with using food as a reward; in this case, don't use it as a punishment! Repeat after me: Food is fuel. I need it to function properly.
4. Are you hungry? I'll be the first to admit: I have to constantly check in with myself when it comes to hunger. We often (or at least, I do!) eat simply out of boredom or habit. If I'm at home and mindlessly walk to the kitchen, I physically stop and ask "Cassie, are you really hungry? Do you need fuel for energy right now? Do you feel fatigued or empty? What are you truly feeling?" While contemplating my questions, I chug a tall glass of water. You've probably heard this too many times, but it's true that our bodies will mistake thirst for hunger. It may take some practice to differentiate true hunger from boredom, but keep at it! Continue to ask these questions.
5. If you are hungry, eat! If you are truly feeling the hunger pains, do not ignore your body's needs. Remember what we talked about: food is not the enemy. If you need food, simply eat the healthiest option in that present moment.
I want to make this into a series because it's a topic I'm so passionate about. Food is integrated into all of our lives, but this doesn't mean we have to be slaves to our meals. We are in control of food and the choices that we make. I want to eat to live, not live to eat.
I hope your Sunday evening is relaxing. I've had an incredibly long day so I'm going to eat my nourish bowl, take a hot bath, and go to sleep.
"I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit." -Elizabeth Gilbert
